A Life More Ordinary

‘People assume that time is a strict progression of cause to effect,’ said David Tennant’s Doctor Who in the episode Blink. ‘But actually,’ he continues, ‘from a non-linear, non-subjective viewpoint, it’s more like a big ball of wibbly-wobbly, timey-wimey…stuff.’

I could probably have chosen one from any number of quotes or song lyrics to open with and most of them would probably have been appropriate. I love beginnings. They can be tricky beasts but they are exciting and fresh and full of hope. Endings are much harder and in truth, I try to avoid them whenever possible because they often hurt. I rarely know what to say at the start (which is often what makes it the exciting bit) and I always have too much to say at the end, but for the next however-many-articles I’ll let you be the judge of that and hopefully you’ll find the beginning, the middle and the end entertaining, enlightening, amusing and inevitably, a little bit sad. I used to think that sadness was all that I was entitled to, but I’m very pleased to say that’s not the case these days. Mostly.

Who am I? (Not a direct quote from the 1996 Doctor Who TV Movie starring Paul McGann – apologies here and now if you’re not particularly enamoured of the following: the aforementioned fictional Time Lord, cricket, Plymouth Argyle and football in general, the fabulous sitcom Bottom, the songs of Paul Heaton and various other singer/songwriters/performers scattered liberally within these pages). More often than not, I’m nobody important, but occasionally, when the stars align, I am something to somebody and sometimes I think that’s the best that I can hope for. I can already hear at least five dissenting voices and I’ll take that as a fifty-two-year-old father of three who is socially awkward and laden down with enough emotional baggage to fill the hold of Concorde. Perhaps ‘Who have I been?’ would be a more apposite question.

Well, in approximate linear terms, as a progression of cause to effect, I’ve been a lonely and battered child, a victim of abuse. I’ve been an average footballer, a failed student with a propensity for inadvertently finding trouble, a comedian (briefly), a private detective (even more briefly), a songwriter, a lover and a broken-hearted fool. I’ve been a shop boy, a bastard, homeless and a broken-hearted fool again. I’ve been an arsehole, a husband, braver than I’ve ever had to be, a gullible, broken-hearted fool, suicidal, a shop manager, an average cricketer, even braver than the time before when I was braver than I’ve ever had to be, an inexperienced father and a husband again. I’ve been a mobile phone salesman, a slightly more experienced father, a slightly less average cricketer, a father for the third time, a wedding photographer, a cricket coach, an argumentative and opinionated cricket coach, broken-hearted once again, a reluctant hero, a complicated, prickly so-and-so and a writer. And in the words of the lyrical genius that is Paul Heaton, ‘I’ve been bad man, sad man, certified mad but never 007 or Saint. Trendsetter, go-getter, international jetsetter, just a few things that I ain’t.’ I’ve probably missed a few out, certainly the broken-hearted parts, but for an ordinary person in an ordinary world, that feels like quite a lot. I wonder what’s left. Hopefully a bit less of the broken-hearted and a few new experiences to add to that list. Success of some sort would be nice too, but I often think that’s for others to measure. Ultimately, I would like to leave a positive footprint on this Earth before I disappear on my awfully big adventure.

A blog like this inevitably prompts the question ‘why’? Why has an ordinary bloke written a blog about his ordinary life? Well, in all honesty, I’m not sure that it has been ordinary. This was going to be a book, but I felt that this was a better way of sharing my story. Look at all of those things I’ve been, flick through these pages and draw your own conclusions. Of course, I’m not going to publish everything all at once, where’s the fun in that? Besides, I’ve always loved a good cliffhanger! So, instead, I’ll be adding frequent updates. I’ve got a particularly lovely short-ish Christmas story coming up as it’s that time of year. There are plenty of stories and reminisces already written and I’ve got a lot of ground to cover. Also, it’s only fair to warn any readers that there will be times when this blog is not for the faint-hearted and I will try to give warnings where possible. It might be a tough read but it’s been even tougher living it and it’s only recently that I’ve accepted that I’m what’s commonly known today as a survivor. It will become obvious why.

For some reason, I’m one of those people who things happen to. And all I’ve ever wanted is ‘a life more ordinary’. However, I long ago concluded that I’m not meant to have that, no matter how much I pine for it. I’m too opinionated, I’m too scarred by my past and I’m too bloody-minded not to stand up for what I believe in. I know I’m not perfect (Was it Something I Said – Orchestral Manoeuvres in the Dark), but I never strove for perfection, just to be the best version of myself that I could be. There have been times when I’ve been anything but that and I think I’m still trying to find out who that is, but I’m closer to it now than I have ever been. Sometimes I’ve had to be someone I’m not and sometimes I’ve had to be someone I didn’t want to be, but we all wear different hats from time to time; some fit well and suit us. Others don’t.

I’ve tried to assemble these reminisces in a reasonably linear format, but as those of you who know me will be aware, there is a tendency to disappear off on tangents! I’ve also tried to change things up a little and have included poems and short stories that I’ve written that I feel are relevant to everything within these pages. Breaking things down into shorter essays should also make it easier to dip in and out of the overall narrative – something I’m trying to take into other areas of my writing. If there’s something that you like, feel free to comment. If you have questions, feel free to ask. I’m not telling this story to vilify anyone but it is my truth about my life and some people don’t come out of this smelling of roses. I’ve tried to be fair in my recollections, even when it’s perhaps not warranted and more than that, I have always tried to understand why some people did the things that they did. Some of those people are no longer with us but they are fondly remembered despite the bad times. Inevitably, it’s only one side of my story and I’m sure that other versions are available. But not here.

One other thing. I don’t generally like photos of myself. It’s taken a bit of courage to include one here, albeit with one of our many animals! Yes, my beard really is that grey and I’m afraid I really do have that many chins, but I’m trying to work on it.

So, this is me. And in the words of Paul Heaton once again:

‘This is my life and this is how it reads’ (My Book – The Beautiful South).

Copyright Alec Hepburn, 2025.