A Life More Ordinary

Why Does it Always Rain on Me?

It was raining. No surprises there, obviously, in England. But it was raining and I was getting married. In about six hours and twenty-one minutes. I checked my suit, for the umpteenth time, gave my shoes another quick polish and looked in on my so-called best man, who was supposed to have woken me an hour ago and instead was snoring in my spare room.

Looking at my watch, I considered breakfast. With a long day ahead, I wanted to load up early but needed to consider the inevitable nerves that would accompany the ceremony and, of course, the dreaded speech. Making a decision, I scribbled a note and left it on the lounge coffee table before taking the short walk into town beneath a large golf umbrella.

Bacon, as has often been the case, was the solution to the problem and after collecting a baguette overflowing with pink, salty goodness, I decided to stroll down to the church at the bottom of town where I would be making my vows later that afternoon. Locating a free, but somewhat soggy bench, I sat down to enjoy my breakfast, umbrella cradled in one elbow as I casually perused the nearby lichen-covered gravestones.

About to have my very own ‘Ed Milliband with a bacon sandwich’ moment, I suddenly became aware that someone was sat next to me on the bench where previously there had been no-one. Without looking around, I already knew who was there.

‘I didn’t have you down as a churchgoer,’ said Melissa, her voice, like velvet, draping itself over the empty years since we’d last seen each other.

I grinned as a globule of ketchup dripped from my sandwich and ran down my thumb.

‘Not big on religion, to be honest,’ I replied. ‘I prefer my faith to be a little more centred on reality.’

‘Fair enough. I’m not sure the evangelicals would agree though…’

‘Well, fortunately they’re few and far between in the leafy suburbs. We have to make do with the Tories.’

She laughed as the rain got a little heavier. As I offered her the opportunity to take shelter with me beneath my umbrella, I considered for a moment the possibility that some all-powerful deity had just given us a little nudge closer together.

It had been about six years since we’d last seen each other but we instantly relaxed into our…I want to say friendship, but I’m not sure that it was ever quite that, certainly never more but absolutely never less. We’d never quite managed to get our timing right and it seemed as though that trend was set to continue.

I’d heard somewhere that she’d gone off to University in Bath or Bristol, somewhere beginning with a B, but the exact details escaped me. She’d gone to study law and had excelled, while I had stagnated somewhat, working through failed relationships, at least until this current one, obviously, struggling to make ends meet in retail and still scratching around in the local cricket club’s 2^nd XI. All things considered though, I was reasonably content with my lot. Or was I?

I looked at Melissa, covered from the elements and the early morning light by a dark hood and I saw something in her eyes that spoke of pain and uncertainty.

‘You’re looking well,’ I lied, hoping to avoid her actually asking what I was doing outside the church at 7.30 in the morning before cautiously adding, ‘You always look well.’

She flashed that coy smile that I adored and my heart skipped a beat.

‘So do you,’ she replied and I instantly felt worse, as though I was about to relive that day on the cricket ground that I’d never quite been able to let go of.

‘Bit older, bit fatter,’ I joked. ‘Not much wiser…’

‘Ah, wisdom’s overrated. Much more fun to stay ignorant and keep making mistakes.’

‘I sometimes feel like that’s all I ever do,’ I sighed. ‘And it’s all I was ever meant to do.’

‘Blimey, you’re a ray of sunshine, aren’t you? What’s a girl got to do to get a smile around here.’

Which of course, coaxed a smile from me, one that just didn’t quite reach my eyes.

‘How’s the world of law?’ I asked. ‘You busy…lawyering…all the time?’

My question drew a proper laugh, which I never realised how much I needed to hear.

‘Long days, long meetings and soul-crushingly dull people.’

‘Relatable,’ I replied. ‘Sounds a bit like retail, just better paid I expect. Still, there must be some benefits to it. Is there some suave, senior partner who’s treating you like a queen? Whisking you away to sun-kissed beaches and all-night parties?’

Melissa looked away with a wry smile on her face as an elderly woman shuffled past walking a West Highland Terrier dressed in a tartan coat. The dog, that is, not the woman.

‘Not really me, all-night parties. Still, it looks like you’ve found your queen?’

My heart lurched again. For a moment I wondered how she knew and then I remembered the announcement that my fiancée had insisted we put in the local paper.

‘It’s ok,’ she continued, chewing thoughtfully on her bottom lip. ‘I’m pleased for you. And it’s my own stupid fault for not keeping a closer eye on you. Always thought you’d make someone happy…’

It was my turn to look away, unable to hide the regret that was writ large upon my face.

‘…just hoped it would be me,’ she continued. ‘Got my timing wrong again.’

I was lost for words, floundering in a sea of mixed emotions. I opened my mouth to reply, but nothing came out. The silence between us felt like a divide of a million miles and ten thousand years. What could I possibly say that would make this moment any better?

‘What do you believe in?’ I finally asked.

‘Nothing,’ came the brusque response, too quickly for me to think that she was anything but disappointed in me.

So many thoughts filled my mind, so much that I wanted to say. I wanted to explain how I’d ended up here. I wanted her to know how often I had thought of her, how she made me feel and how life wasn’t fair. I wanted to tell her that I was sorry that it was never the right time for us and that I was sure that she’d find happiness but all of the words in the universe suddenly seemed meagre and incapable of accurately expressing what I felt right now.

‘What do you believe in?’ she asked, her voice laden with sadness.

I thought for a moment, staring off towards the church gardens, watching the rain drip from the magnolia trees. The pause, which may have lasted mere seconds, felt like an eternity as I tried to find some sort of consolation to offer.

‘I believe…that there are versions of us out there somewhere where we did get our timing right. Where I get to treat you like a queen every day and where we get to make each other happy. Where we got this right six years ago and we’ve not had to spend a day apart ever since then and where we live until we’re old and incontinent and just a little bit sick of the sight of each other yet we still tremble when our hands touch. That’s what I believe.’

‘Nice idea. But I don’t believe in fairy tales.’

I shrugged, feeling that despite her assurances that I was very much to blame and I couldn’t bring myself to protest. Those words falling short again.

‘Fairy tales is all I’ve got.’

She stood and let the rain fall upon her face to hide her tears.

‘Then I hope you live happily ever after.’

And she was gone. Sideways in time.

Copyright Alec Hepburn, 2025.